I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
