Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
