I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
you didnt know i had herpes?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
please don't ironically join a cult
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