i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
