k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
