Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
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I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
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That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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