On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
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So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
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I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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