Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
