Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
