He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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