The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
