I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
