so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize