Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
