the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
