You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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