question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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