Pregnant stripper...not hot.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
