On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
