Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
