Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I love you.
Bad choice
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
