I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
