Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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