would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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