I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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