i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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