forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
