At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Randomize
