i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
