$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
