I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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