About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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