do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
