it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
