She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
