Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
