my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
