Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
