i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
