Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
