your thong is hanging out like whoa
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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