sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
