How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
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