remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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