I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
