Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
