I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
