so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
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She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
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definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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