my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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