Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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