Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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