when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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