Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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