Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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