My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
