so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize