the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
