And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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