you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
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Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
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My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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