It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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