"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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