i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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