Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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