Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
