goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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