You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
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I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
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I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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