I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
