i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
