my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
