Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
