Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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